After about a week of brooding about how much I dislike Japan, I realized it might be a better idea to just, indulge, and not in a eat everything that’s terrible for you sense, but indulge in the everything that brings joy sense.First, quirky inventions that are so convenient or useful but when we use them or tell someone about your having used them, they look at you funny. Example: Sauna pants
Second, Celebrity Ads. Perhaps Japanese talent agents just work five times harder than their American counterparts, but if you have a favorite celebrity (Japanese or not) or simply can recognize one (or maybe you’re a Japanophile and know two), then you will see their face(s) smashed onto a dog’s body or holding a bucket of chicken. This will happen to you at the very least, once a week.
For me, it’s daily. And if you get easily excited and yelp when you see a person you recognize (celebrity or not), then your reactions will be considered “extreme” by everyone within a kilometer radius of your noisy mouth, like me. In Kobe, we were walking down the shopping lane of the train station, “eki,” and I saw Oguri Shun in the window of a drug store, immediately pointed like a blood hound and shouted “OGURI SHUN! Look!” Everyone, as instructed, looked, and then frowned, “Kim, calm down.” It’s worth noting that as my arm shot out in a 90° angle accurately pointed at the shampoo bottle he was holding, I almost punched a passing Japanese young woman with my forefinger. The friend that noticed frowned at me. Lesson learned: control [involuntary] reactions.Third, if you’re in Japan, or have the opportunity to watch direct-from-Japan ads, do so, jump at the chance, youtube something if you must, just do it. Japanese TV commercials, CM as their called, are the funniest of their genre I have scene, on par with the best Super-Bowl commercials you still remember and talk about (still very upset I couldn’t watch any this year—Japanese don’t like [American] Football). You shouldn’t watch while eating/drinking any hot liquids, we have the TV on during dinner and its very difficult not to snort my Miso soup during commercial breaks. Disclaimer: don’t get your hopes up. I have a strange sense of humor.
Fourth, Uniforms. For service industry jobs, as almost any job in Japan except university student (is that a job at all?) there is a uniform to be worn daily. One must, MUST wear it exactly, EXACTLY as expected and instructed. Take this Oriental Hotel bellman pictured here. Note the type of hat he is wearing. (If you know the name, tell me. now please.) Also notice how the hat blends with his uniform over all, its very nice isn’t it? ‘makes him feel like he’s from some early period piece, and by that I mean a movie that was based in the late 1900s Britain. He doesn’t seem to fit though, maybe thats cuz hes asian…Lastly, western people mix so awkwardly with Asians 90% of the time. This is partial due to with the nature of both parties simply being terribly different and usually fairly ignorant about one another. But mostly this is because the western standard of awkward and the Japanese standard of awkward is the same, but neither partly knows how to prevent nor remove the awkward turtle once he has shown his scaly, wrinkly face. Even I, an extremely awkward person who has successfully managed to control the level of awkwardness in most situations, am hopelessly lost in the ways of the Western-Japanese Awkward Turtle…
In Japan, even Starbucks counts down until the sakura flowers bloom.
