Carly

The Carly I knew was direct and fearless, and the intermittent nervousness in her eyes now seems to indicate a depth of damage I don't fully comprehend. I consider the possibility that her asshole ex-husband is largely responsible for this transformation, but I wonder if I'm simply passing the buck because the alternative is too depressing to consider.

Jonathan Tropper, The Book of Joe, p. 299

Summer 2011 DIY Project

I got a job, an income is always great. But, I feel intellectually un-stimulated so I need to keep my hands busy or at least my mind for the moments when I'm not filling plastic cups with soda or passing border sauce packets to customers.

The Plan:
Take this Ikea Hemnes Desk (in white) and Ikea Hemnes Add-on Unit (also white), selectively paint the back panels black and apply this Oriental Vine Allover Stencil in white, add this Cat Stencil in varying silver and white pieces to the black painted cabinet doors of the desk with silver (or white) glowish accents. This might be hard to visualize but I have a notebook full of sketches.

Implementation:
Now, before I execute my master plan, I need practice. So I plan to take paper mache square boxes like this and use my color pallet to practice applying the stencils. Once I paint the boxes, I want to add initials and mail them to my dearest friends! Hopefully, I will have the patience to keep some for myself.

I work full time now so it could very well take me the rest of the summer to finish this but I'm fully determined to see it through. I did some calculations and it will cost around $700 to complete the whole thing. Funding this project and saving for my vacation this year will meaning pinching pennies and scouring the basement couch, but it'll be fun!

Things I Like

It seems I only complain about the things around me I don't like. So I decided to write down things I do like, seeing as even I don't really know what they are...

1. Golf
2. I Love Lucy
3. Romantic comedies
4. Sherlock Holmes
5. Billiards
6. James Bond movies
7. Papercraft
8. The Sims
9. Handicrafts
10. Politics
11. Indie music
12. Beer
13. Vodka
14. Long walks
15. Bodies of water
16. Admiring bodies of water from afar
17. Cats
18. Cleanliness
19. Macaroni and cheese
20. Simple, elegant, understated fashion
21. Androgynous people
22. Old movies
23. Smart phones
24. Comedy in general
25. Nature documentaries
26. C-Span
27. Baking
28. Examples of Murphy's Law in action
29. Talking over coffee
30. My daily planner
31. Tinkering
32. Discovery Channel shows (Deadliest Catch, Auction Kings, American Chopper)
33. Fixing things
34. Legos
35. Reading classic novels
36. Hot dogs
37. Stuffed animals
38. The sound of ticking analog clocks
39. Making lists
40. Collecting quotations
41. The smell of clean laundry
42. Pictures of flowers
43. Puzzles
44. The news
45. Vans shoes
46. Skinny jeans

A friend pointed out that most people don't find out this information until several years into a friendship with me. I should work on that.

Poetry Month

James Potter celebrates poetry month!

Guilt: Past, Present, Future

Olvidar mis errores del pasado y obtener logros en el futuro.

I used to think of experiences from days and years before as a summation of who I am and was at that point in time, that is true as a gage of who I have been but is not applicable to who I am today or who I will be.

I know instinctively that I can be better than what or who I was before, especially when it comes to the pain I inflicted on myself and the loved ones around me.

Its terribly difficult for me to forget. I can sometimes see the effects of my damage in the present and wish from the bottom of my heart that I can take it back or make up for it, in any way that would alleviate the pain I see. This guilt is most prevalent when I am presented with a tiny object or idea that is tied to a specific loved one or more directly, mentally tied to some negative action.

Apologies alone will never be enough but the future self that has yet been formed is the only mode of redemption. Never again will I fall victim to the whims of my fleeting impulses or allow myself to be dragged down and defeated by trivial environmental elements. If my past has done anything positive for me, its purpose has been to strengthen through survival; while never losing sights of my dreams.

When I'm presented with a chance to step forward, tangibly move toward a fuller self, or fall back into regret, I hope my guilt will ignite the courage I need to change rather than excuse my subsequent tail spin. Until then, I am continually fighting to choose the nobler path. Only time can really tell if I'm anywhere near successful.