2010 in Retrospect and Appreciation

2010 has been a tumultuous and excited year for this little blogger. Among the many things I was able to accomplish and am grateful, I appreciate the opportunity to study abroad, a major life goal achieved. Japan was a learning process: personality quirks and traits were revealed, my understanding of my surrounding environment broadened a little, more cultural awareness and communication improved! I successfully navigated my first traumatic event, tragic heartbreak, and subsequent depression, with psychiatric help. I helped shakubuku an "at-risk youth," and finished my first ever million daimoku chart!

Again, as at the end of every semester I have experienced to date, it has become clear to me just how much the people around me support and care for me. To those whom I speak to or see daily, I thank them. To those whom I am physically separated, my love and support has not wavered, I wish and pray for their happiness and success all the same.

I don't regret anything that I did, happened to me, or happened around me this past year. Nor do I regret the interactions I had with the people in my life this year, perhaps to some one's dismay.

My only hope for 2011 is that my existence alone can inspire pleasant and motivating feelings in those around me. Hopefully everything will go well for more people in 2011 than the amount of people who didn't have things in their favor in 2010.

"We were born to struggle and challenge ourselves. We were born to progress in our lives and to win. This is the meaning of a life dedicated to happiness and peace. The purpose of life is being victorious. And the key to victory is chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo." Josei Toda

Unappreciation

Unappreciation: un·ap·pre·ci·a·tion, noun, \ˌən-ə-ˌprē-shē-ˈā-shən\ 
1. failure to appreciate something
2. ungratefully: in an ungrateful manner



Many, many times I have walked into a museum and considered this sculpture or that painting beautiful. I can also appreciate the beauty I find in Jake Gyllenhaal's face and body and thus patronize his movies more often than say, Clint Eastwood. Perhaps the reader has had a similar experience of finding value in some trait or characteristic of a person or object.


Now, I have found it difficult to find value in myself as easily as I find it in others. If we can't appreciate ourselves, how can we ever appreciate someone else or expect someone else to appreciate us as individuals? We all have our individual strengths and weaknesses, beauty and ugliness. 


If I find my especially good characteristics and emphasize them, then perhaps someone else will notice, enjoy and appreciate them as well.

Honesty

There comes a point in a young person's life where he must accept everything that happened to him. I've reached that point. It's time I understand the experiences I've had and decide what I'm going to take forward with me, at least in the immediate future. Soon, this won't just be in a physical possessions and memory evidence sense.

Those things are rather fleeting, but the things that stay with us, at least stay with me, are the decisions I've made, the things I've done to the people around me and the experiences I chose or fell into in the course of events that compose my life.

It's easy to put something, some memory, some idea in the back of my mind and hope it stays there. Eventually, that pile of crap I stored in the far corner of the attic need to be sifted through. When I open that dusty box, the contents are just shadows of the original. It takes time to digest and understand what it is I'm holding in my hand: "is it a shirt? or a banner? Oh, wait, what did I use this for again?" It's all very familiar but ephemeral, dream-like, intangible.

Recently, I opened one of those boxes dirty and taped up boxes. It didn't make sense to me what I was looking at. Literally, I saw a dark cloud that was threatening to rain inside the box. Slowly, I pulled apart the layers and could see the mangled truth.

It feels good to put that irritant into a box, push it to the back of the pile and face the other side of the room. But eventually, it needs to be opened. There's no other option. The longer we wait, the more we put off rediscovering the contents, the bigger the box gets, the more mold it builds, the more brutal and dangerous the storm becomes. Have that storm knock down bushes, not telephone poles.

A Series of Choices

I am almost certain that the following revelation has been discovered and understood time and time again but I will say it anyway. Everything in existence is a series of yes or no questions.

First, the question of existence, does X exist, or not? Second, depending on the nature of the item in question, could be along the lines of does it have matter or do I, as a human, have the ability to recognize it? Contemplate this a while.

Once you get passed the existentialism, you get to questions more related to ability and function. For example, can a human eat a chicken? Can I walk 500 miles?

Once what can and cannot be done has been determined and completely explored, the questions become a matter of choosing to commit an action or not. Every single particle in the universe can participate and be examined using these yes/no questions until the question of choices arise. At that point, in my opinion, only animate beings can participate and at varying degrees depending on various elements such as instincts. But humans, when faced with a problem or dilemma often throw in questions of morality or righteousness before inquiring about willingness.

Either way, almost anything can be “figured out” with yes/no questions. But when grappling with those difficult decisions, a choice is always made, yes, or no. As humans, I think we all try to consistently pick the best one, even if it seems like a bad one.

Japanese Banks! (Ass Kicking via Financial Institution)

My mission today was to buy a bus pass and send money to my mom in the US from my Japanese account.

Mission 1: Purchase Bus Pass
Its 8:30am and I approach the bus terminal ticketing window. I pass my proof of student discount under the glass because I don't know how to say "Bus Pass" in Japanese. The 50-something woman, looks at me, frowns. "Here, fill this out over there." Taking the bus pass request slip that I was told I didn't need by my school yesterday morning, and begin to fill it out. It took me about 3 solid minutes of just scanning the sheet to figure out where my name, address, pass start date, and school info goes. Once I filled it out to my best ability, I go up to the window where the younger, and somewhat nicerlooking ticketing agent is--the older woman is still frowning at me. She smiles sweetly and I pass the form and proof of student discount to her. All seems to have been performed according to expectations because she starts making my pass.

It hits me, how much is this gonna cost? She finishes and tells me the price "27500円". Shit, I only have 12,000 on me.

"Can you hold on a second, I'm going to go to the ATM for more money. I'll be right back!"

I run to the ATM two blocks away and try to use my BofA card in the ATM. "This card cannot be used" flashes accross the screen. Shit. I switch cards and wow, it works! Here's where my idiocy (others would say bubbly nature) fucks up my day, I can't remember how much the pass was. I take out 10000yen and hope its enough. I run back, shit, still short by 2500yen. I run for the second time to and fro with 5000yen worth of fresh bills in my wallet.

Mission 1: Successfully completed.


Mission 2: International Money Transfer
After getting my bus pass, I walk for the 3rd time back to the bank and wait, it won't open 'til 9 (current time: 8:45). 9:00:00AM open! In I walk, and look around. Shit, where do I do this?. Awkwardly and in terribly broken Japanese, I ask a security guard "Where can I transfer funds?" He says the 2nd floor. Everyone in the room, during the duration of the 30 second conversation turned to look at me. A strange old man is standing 3 ft from me and asks in what I call Katakana English if there is a problem? No, I'm fine. Up to the second floor I go.

So, I've been sitting in front of the clerk for 30 minutes and we have successfully filled out 40% of the form. For every sentence she says, I use my dictionary at least twice to understand the keywords. This process is a long and drawn out one. Eventually I leave the bank an hour and a half after entering, feeling somewhat satisfied that I've successfully sent my money.

Mission 2: Transfer Complete. WRONG!
I was $500 short on my payment to my mom. damnitalltohell.

money matters + language barriers = frustration.

The Study Abroad Hero's Journey

Call to Adventure:
An opportunity to go abroad and experience a new way of living in a new world. Most of these heroes are eager to go abroad.

In the Belly of the Whale: (Entering Into an Unknown Culture)

“It is like crossing a threshold from one’s past life into a totally different life. Guards that make crossing the threshold difficult:

• culturally inappropriate constraints
• deep distrust of hero as a stranger
• lack of language ability
• community of other heroes (expatriates) that severely restricts interaction with members of host community (i.e. golden ghetto)

“If the [hero] is not careful or is willing to succumb to these guardians, she or he will not be able to finish the hero’s journey.” Just because you’re a hero, doesn’t mean everything will be smooth or that you’ll be a good hero.

The Magical Friend:
The hero finds a magical friend (or cultural mentor).

• often member of new culture or a seasoned hero
• serves as initial guide (helps language concerns living accommodations, social contacts, advice for greater work effectiveness)

Hero should never complain about other culture.

“Complaints have a way of slowing down the process of finding these magical friends, especially among members of the new culture itself.”

Road of Trials: (Paradoxes)
The hero must eventually embark on a journey of his own. He will face many trials in the form of paradoxes.

“Paradoxes are seemingly contradictory but equally true ideas that emerge as one tries to mediate between two cultures.”

1. “Seeing as valid the general stereotype about the local culture, but also realizing that many host-country nationals do not fit that stereotype.” The hero is forced to be aware of individuals, instead of just cultural membership.
2. “Feeling at ease anywhere, but belonging nowhere.” The hero may begin to feel at home in many places and situations, but may still not fit in. “A certain feeling marginality often exists even upon returning home, as the hero and his community have both change during the journey.”
3. “Feeling caught between the contradictory demands of headquarters on one hand and the demands of the host-country nationals and the local situations on the other.” The hero becomes a translator for both groups, “trying to convey the point of view of the home office to those in the new culture without losing their trust and explaining what can effectively be done in the new culture to the home office without being accused of ‘going native.’”
4. The hero giving up some of his “home community cultural ideas and behaviors in order to be accepted and successful in the other culture while at the same time finding some of [his] core home values becoming even stronger as a result of exposure to another culture.” These changes are necessary for the hero to be effective and avoid standing out in negative ways.
5. “Becoming more and more ‘world-minded’ as a result of exposure to different values and conflicting loyalties, but becoming more idiosyncratic in putting together the hero’s own value system and views of life… A hero tends to recreate her or his identity in unique ways even as she or he is more aware and accepting of many different identities.”

Ultimate Boom and Return:
The hero has learned to sacrifice for the good of others, yet has developed a self-sufficiency and inner power that allows for the accomplishment of seemingly impossible tasks. He has grown, matured, a broader perspective of the world, a greater appreciation of differences, has better work skills, can better lead others in accomplishing important goals, has a wider base of knowledge and understanding, and has developed closer richer personal and family relationships.

“On the hero’s return he or she often finds that things have changed.”

Source: 1995. Osland, J.S. The Adventure of Working Abroad. Jossy Bass: San Francisco. pp190.

My Favorite Things

After about a week of brooding about how much I dislike Japan, I realized it might be a better idea to just, indulge, and not in a eat everything that’s terrible for you sense, but indulge in the everything that brings joy sense.

First, quirky inventions that are so convenient or useful but when we use them or tell someone about your having used them, they look at you funny. Example: Sauna pants


Second, Celebrity Ads. Perhaps Japanese talent agents just work five times harder than their American counterparts, but if you have a favorite celebrity (Japanese or not) or simply can recognize one (or maybe you’re a Japanophile and know two), then you will see their face(s) smashed onto a dog’s body or holding a bucket of chicken. This will happen to you at the very least, once a week.

For me, it’s daily. And if you get easily excited and yelp when you see a person you recognize (celebrity or not), then your reactions will be considered “extreme” by everyone within a kilometer radius of your noisy mouth, like me. In Kobe, we were walking down the shopping lane of the train station, “eki,” and I saw Oguri Shun in the window of a drug store, immediately pointed like a blood hound and shouted “OGURI SHUN! Look!” Everyone, as instructed, looked, and then frowned, “Kim, calm down.” It’s worth noting that as my arm shot out in a 90° angle accurately pointed at the shampoo bottle he was holding, I almost punched a passing Japanese young woman with my forefinger. The friend that noticed frowned at me. Lesson learned: control [involuntary] reactions.


Third, if you’re in Japan, or have the opportunity to watch direct-from-Japan ads, do so, jump at the chance, youtube something if you must, just do it. Japanese TV commercials, CM as their called, are the funniest of their genre I have scene, on par with the best Super-Bowl commercials you still remember and talk about (still very upset I couldn’t watch any this year—Japanese don’t like [American] Football). You shouldn’t watch while eating/drinking any hot liquids, we have the TV on during dinner and its very difficult not to snort my Miso soup during commercial breaks. Disclaimer: don’t get your hopes up. I have a strange sense of humor.

Fourth, Uniforms. For service industry jobs, as almost any job in Japan except university student (is that a job at all?) there is a uniform to be worn daily. One must, MUST wear it exactly, EXACTLY as expected and instructed. Take this Oriental Hotel bellman pictured here. Note the type of hat he is wearing. (If you know the name, tell me. now please.) Also notice how the hat blends with his uniform over all, its very nice isn’t it? ‘makes him feel like he’s from some early period piece, and by that I mean a movie that was based in the late 1900s Britain. He doesn’t seem to fit though, maybe thats cuz hes asian…


Lastly, western people mix so awkwardly with Asians 90% of the time. This is partial due to with the nature of both parties simply being terribly different and usually fairly ignorant about one another. But mostly this is because the western standard of awkward and the Japanese standard of awkward is the same, but neither partly knows how to prevent nor remove the awkward turtle once he has shown his scaly, wrinkly face. Even I, an extremely awkward person who has successfully managed to control the level of awkwardness in most situations, am hopelessly lost in the ways of the Western-Japanese Awkward Turtle…

In Japan, even Starbucks counts down until the sakura flowers bloom.

The Land of Convinience

Japan is truly the land of convenience. First, it was the free push-carts at the airport, then it was the reversible seats in the train (which were heated!), later on I realized paying as you exit the bus is far more convenient and makes more sense if you’re entering from the back of the bus moving forward to your destination…

Now I’ve discovered the glory of Japanese heated toilet seats!… Who would want to leave the stall EVER if your tush (urban dictionary spell check!) is reheated and recharged for facing the harsh Osaka winter under draft coming up from the bottom of your trench coat? No wonder there is always a line coming out of the women’s bathroom… Men don’t have time or the need to discover this awesome Japanese tool…

The Japanese also have these weird contraptions in each bathroom stall that’ll play the sound of flushing if your embarrassed from requiring more “time” than usual… It also has a bidet (spraying water up to your tush to clean up afterwards) and a fragrance release button to cover up your extra “time.”

Now that I think this over (and wikipedia’d “bidet”), it has occurred to me that this is not necessarily a Japanese invention, but something you can find in other countries, like France. BUT! But, this is the first I’ve encountered such a useful contraption. ‘Haven’t utilized all its features, but I’m satisfied just knowing they’re there…

That’s all I think is awesome in Japan to date.

Osaka - the first morning.

7am Osaka time I woke up, that was 2pm home time. I somehow was able to sleep from 12am to 7am Osaka time, which was 7-2pm home time. Granted I did wake up at 2am Osaka time and lay in bed for half an hour, but thats still a great start for anyone fighting 17hour jetlag.

Flying for 12 hours straight is ridiculously and surprisingly tiring. You sit there, in a cramped and uncomfortable airplane chair until either your bladder screams for relief or your feet lose feeling and your brain offers a stretch break. Man, its so dull sitting down. Sure, I had two books, two ipods, a laptop, and five different United Airlines In-Flight movies to entertain myself, but somehow I still found the attention span to be bored. (or lack thereof)

It’s 7am, my legs were telling me to up and go for a pre-shower run! “Oh, no. That’s not possible. I decided not to bring my tennis shoes, so you can’t run, not today at least.” This was my brilliant brain’s response. As a compromise, I slipped into my new suede boots and took a walk!

Off I went up the road, taking pictures and listening to my ipod all the while. (see my fb for pics) As it turns out, Vampire Weekend (any song) and ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION (Kona Yuki) make awesome soundtracks for walking around in Hirakata City. It must be the spunky beats and crazy lyrics.

One thing that is and was rubbing me wrong the entirety of the lovely walk is that the side streets leading from the dorm to the main street that takes you to campus has no side walks. Consequently every car, motorbike and bicycle coming down the road looks like its charging for a collision. Dealing with that last night was especially difficult considering the blinding effect that headlights have on pedestrian eyes… Note to self: wear sunglasses at night.

Osaka, Predeparture.

Friday. Friday, January 22, 2010. At 11:30am I depart from SFO and begin my adventure in Osaka. My adventure, like any other, has already begun with the anticipation. Freshman year I was super excited to go on study abroad in general. Sophomore year I was still excited but felt some apprehension because my beloved classmates would be separated for an academic year as every 3^rd year student must go on study abroad for a semester.

As a departing junior, the excitement is still there but the person who will leave SFO will not be the same person upon homecoming, this makes me nervous. I anticipate the adventure itself with excitement but anticipate my reintegration into American culture with nervousness. This is because the people I am leaving behind may not appreciate the altered version of myself, or perhaps we will lose contact completely.

On a lighter note, I’ve been craving greasy, fatty American foods for the past two weeks. Yesterday, the Japanese food cravings started kicking in with a yearning for Tonkatsu, today it’s Yakisoba, tomorrow, maybe Katsuage, who knows? To my stomach’s dissatisfaction, I will be staying in a dorm for the first week, probably without access to a cafeteria meal plan, so maybe those cravings will be satisfied, not by a wonderful host mother who can cook like no other, but by a 7-Eleven microwave dinner. Speaking of 7-Eleven, I’ll need money for the first month of existence… I’m broke, damn.