Middle Way

Definition of eight winds:

Eight conditions that prevent people from advancing along the right path to enlightenment. According to The Treatise on the Stage of Buddhahood Sutra--Bandhuprabha's work that was translated into Chinese by Hsüan-tsang--the eight winds are prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure. People are often swayed either by their attachment to prosperity, honor, praise, and pleasure (collectively known as "four favorites" or "four favorable winds"), or by their aversion to decline, disgrace, censure, and suffering ("four dislikes" or "four adverse winds"). (The Soka Gakkai Dictionary of Buddhism 八風 definition)

For most of my young adult life, I have been using this as a guide to keeping calm almost. To me, being calm doesn't mean keeping myself from expressing excitement, joy, or agitation at all. It is more be able to keep my negative emotions under wraps and only expressing the uplifting, endorphin promoting emotions. But that isn't to say I'm necessarily a positive person, because many things I say, think, and feel are in fact pessimistic in nature. 

This concept has also been instrumental in reminding myself not to sweat the small things, something that can be difficult because I'm a perfectionist by nature, and slightly obsessive compulsive. If someone doesn't like my work, that's ok, I can fix it. If I don't get a call back for that interesting job opening, that's quite alright too, everything happens for a reason. If anything, this idea lets me be more relaxed about my life while still focused on my goals and not beat myself up every chance I get. This idea is so important to me, that I inked it on myself.

Offline Dating

In response to Mr. 91, I am in a relationship with someone, who I just happened to first interact with online. We haven't decided on any plausible lies to tell the friends and family who don't know we were members of the growing masses of young and old who can't seem to find a date IRL, thus resorting to the stigmatized (and rightly so--Hell Is OKCupid) world of online dating.

Theoretically speaking, when a relationship begins, and it is exclusive in nature, one should take herself off the market. For online dating, I could change my status, yes, or I could just disable my profile. That wasn't a very hard decision to make. If you haven't perused tumblrs like Hell is OKCupid, then you should invest 5 minutes and do it.

There are plenty of relatively "normal" people on such websites, but there are also some weirdos that women especially have to be weary of. As I alluded to in Mr. 91, there are certain mental filters that potential IRL meetups have to pass through in order to be considered at all. Because, yes, an auto-character reference, however long or short, is baiting a specific type of fish, (hopefully me?) but is still tremendously revealing about the writer--in terms of content and technical language/overall demeanor/vibe. Discerning between normal and psycho and all the shades in between is daunting at worst. But once you find a potentially great person, it brings a level of euphoria and excitement all its own.

Profiles, pictures, messages, answers to ridiculously ambiguous questions, and IMs exchanged until the wee hours of the morning, what do these all have in common? To start, they are glimpses, flashes, snapshots, a tiny window into an entire person, an entire life. However countless many bits of information you might be granted access to, they will never collectively nor independently define the person you are looking at 100%. Knowing someone your entire life, living with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week until death do you part is the only way to fully "know" someone. (To that point, how well do I know my best friends? hmm...) But back to my point...

It wasn't until the fourth or fifth date that I knew for sure I wanted to spend more time with this person in front of me. It wasn't until several profound conversations had been had, several adventures had been shared, several misadventures had been suffered, and several long moments of vulnerability that this person I originally met online started occupying a noticeable space in my heart. Even then, it was difficult to let myself fall completely into this persons arms, precisely because I didn't know him.

Searching for a partner online, jumping into a committed relationship, meeting a potential mate in person, all of these activities ask for faith. Faith that you will indeed find someone who is compatible and worth your energy, faith your heart won't be broken in the end, faith that the meetup will not end in a physically dangerous situation, etc.

Unappreciation

Unappreciation: un·ap·pre·ci·a·tion, noun, \ˌən-ə-ˌprē-shē-ˈā-shən\ 
1. failure to appreciate something
2. ungratefully: in an ungrateful manner



Many, many times I have walked into a museum and considered this sculpture or that painting beautiful. I can also appreciate the beauty I find in Jake Gyllenhaal's face and body and thus patronize his movies more often than say, Clint Eastwood. Perhaps the reader has had a similar experience of finding value in some trait or characteristic of a person or object.


Now, I have found it difficult to find value in myself as easily as I find it in others. If we can't appreciate ourselves, how can we ever appreciate someone else or expect someone else to appreciate us as individuals? We all have our individual strengths and weaknesses, beauty and ugliness. 


If I find my especially good characteristics and emphasize them, then perhaps someone else will notice, enjoy and appreciate them as well.

Honesty

There comes a point in a young person's life where he must accept everything that happened to him. I've reached that point. It's time I understand the experiences I've had and decide what I'm going to take forward with me, at least in the immediate future. Soon, this won't just be in a physical possessions and memory evidence sense.

Those things are rather fleeting, but the things that stay with us, at least stay with me, are the decisions I've made, the things I've done to the people around me and the experiences I chose or fell into in the course of events that compose my life.

It's easy to put something, some memory, some idea in the back of my mind and hope it stays there. Eventually, that pile of crap I stored in the far corner of the attic need to be sifted through. When I open that dusty box, the contents are just shadows of the original. It takes time to digest and understand what it is I'm holding in my hand: "is it a shirt? or a banner? Oh, wait, what did I use this for again?" It's all very familiar but ephemeral, dream-like, intangible.

Recently, I opened one of those boxes dirty and taped up boxes. It didn't make sense to me what I was looking at. Literally, I saw a dark cloud that was threatening to rain inside the box. Slowly, I pulled apart the layers and could see the mangled truth.

It feels good to put that irritant into a box, push it to the back of the pile and face the other side of the room. But eventually, it needs to be opened. There's no other option. The longer we wait, the more we put off rediscovering the contents, the bigger the box gets, the more mold it builds, the more brutal and dangerous the storm becomes. Have that storm knock down bushes, not telephone poles.

A Series of Choices

I am almost certain that the following revelation has been discovered and understood time and time again but I will say it anyway. Everything in existence is a series of yes or no questions.

First, the question of existence, does X exist, or not? Second, depending on the nature of the item in question, could be along the lines of does it have matter or do I, as a human, have the ability to recognize it? Contemplate this a while.

Once you get passed the existentialism, you get to questions more related to ability and function. For example, can a human eat a chicken? Can I walk 500 miles?

Once what can and cannot be done has been determined and completely explored, the questions become a matter of choosing to commit an action or not. Every single particle in the universe can participate and be examined using these yes/no questions until the question of choices arise. At that point, in my opinion, only animate beings can participate and at varying degrees depending on various elements such as instincts. But humans, when faced with a problem or dilemma often throw in questions of morality or righteousness before inquiring about willingness.

Either way, almost anything can be “figured out” with yes/no questions. But when grappling with those difficult decisions, a choice is always made, yes, or no. As humans, I think we all try to consistently pick the best one, even if it seems like a bad one.