Showing posts with label sobriety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sobriety. Show all posts

July 10, 2012

Middle Way

Definition of eight winds:
Eight conditions that prevent people from advancing along the right path to enlightenment. According to The Treatise on the Stage of Buddhahood Sutra--Bandhuprabha's work that was translated into Chinese by Hsüan-tsang--the eight winds are prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure. People are often swayed either by their attachment to prosperity, honor, praise, and pleasure (collectively known as "four favorites" or "four favorable winds"), or by their aversion to decline, disgrace, censure, and suffering ("four dislikes" or "four adverse winds"). (The Soka Gakkai Dictionary of Buddhism 八風 definition)
For most of my young adult life, I have been using this as a guide to keeping calm almost. To me, being calm doesn't mean keeping myself from expressing excitement, joy, or agitation at all. It is more be able to keep my negative emotions under wraps and only expressing the uplifting, endorphin promoting emotions. But that isn't to say I'm necessarily a positive person, because many things I say, think, and feel are in fact pessimistic in nature. 

This concept has also been instrumental in reminding myself not to sweat the small things, something that can be difficult because I'm a perfectionist by nature, and slightly obsessive compulsive. If someone doesn't like my work, that's ok, I can fix it. If I don't get a call back for that interesting job opening, that's quite alright too, everything happens for a reason. If anything, this idea lets me be more relaxed about my life while still focused on my goals and not beat myself up every chance I get. This idea is so important to me, that I inked it on myself.

January 02, 2012

Thoughts on....

Sobriety:
35 days sober to date.
I enjoy the newly achieved mental clarity. Being able to designated drive [automatic transmission only, please] at a moment's notice is reassuring. My wallet enjoys the $40 of extra padding every Monday morning.
Alcohol:
Alcohol is a toxin, a poison that I pump into my body in order to enjoy the sensations it brings to my body and mind. Those sensations do not support my growth or development. Nor do they help me cope with my sufferings and fears. Alcohol is a wet blank I use to drape over my dusty old furniture in hopes of transforming the object into something smaller, more managable. Conspicuous camoflage.
I really do enjoy the substance itself, vodka tastes very nice, Hefeveissen Beers are smooth on my pallet, citrusy cocktails are my favorite. One sip every once in a long while is all I have allowed myself and it seems that is enough. I have taken such a strong liking to abstinence (the sexual sort involuntarily) that my taste buds don't miss drinking two beers with dinner, or four cocktails and a beer on Saturday. One mouthful is enough, just so i can remember the initial warm tingle, preceeding full flavor, burning sensations as the cool liquid reaches the corners of my mouth and flows down my throat. After those rosey, fuzzy pink images and muscle memories flood my brain, the ugly, dark, throbbing hangovers, nights spent over a toilet and drunken regerets following shortly thereafter and remind me with viceral stomach churns why I chose this path.
Alcohol is not my friend, at least not right now, it isn't.