Thoughts on....

Sobriety:
35 days sober to date.
I enjoy the newly achieved mental clarity. Being able to designated drive [automatic transmission only, please] at a moment's notice is reassuring. My wallet enjoys the $40 of extra padding every Monday morning.
Alcohol:
Alcohol is a toxin, a poison that I pump into my body in order to enjoy the sensations it brings to my body and mind. Those sensations do not support my growth or development. Nor do they help me cope with my sufferings and fears. Alcohol is a wet blank I use to drape over my dusty old furniture in hopes of transforming the object into something smaller, more managable. Conspicuous camoflage.
I really do enjoy the substance itself, vodka tastes very nice, Hefeveissen Beers are smooth on my pallet, citrusy cocktails are my favorite. One sip every once in a long while is all I have allowed myself and it seems that is enough. I have taken such a strong liking to abstinence (the sexual sort involuntarily) that my taste buds don't miss drinking two beers with dinner, or four cocktails and a beer on Saturday. One mouthful is enough, just so i can remember the initial warm tingle, preceeding full flavor, burning sensations as the cool liquid reaches the corners of my mouth and flows down my throat. After those rosey, fuzzy pink images and muscle memories flood my brain, the ugly, dark, throbbing hangovers, nights spent over a toilet and drunken regerets following shortly thereafter and remind me with viceral stomach churns why I chose this path.
Alcohol is not my friend, at least not right now, it isn't.

Carly

The Carly I knew was direct and fearless, and the intermittent nervousness in her eyes now seems to indicate a depth of damage I don't fully comprehend. I consider the possibility that her asshole ex-husband is largely responsible for this transformation, but I wonder if I'm simply passing the buck because the alternative is too depressing to consider.

Jonathan Tropper, The Book of Joe, p. 299

Summer 2011 DIY Project

I got a job, an income is always great. But, I feel intellectually un-stimulated so I need to keep my hands busy or at least my mind for the moments when I'm not filling plastic cups with soda or passing border sauce packets to customers.

The Plan:
Take this Ikea Hemnes Desk (in white) and Ikea Hemnes Add-on Unit (also white), selectively paint the back panels black and apply this Oriental Vine Allover Stencil in white, add this Cat Stencil in varying silver and white pieces to the black painted cabinet doors of the desk with silver (or white) glowish accents. This might be hard to visualize but I have a notebook full of sketches.

Implementation:
Now, before I execute my master plan, I need practice. So I plan to take paper mache square boxes like this and use my color pallet to practice applying the stencils. Once I paint the boxes, I want to add initials and mail them to my dearest friends! Hopefully, I will have the patience to keep some for myself.

I work full time now so it could very well take me the rest of the summer to finish this but I'm fully determined to see it through. I did some calculations and it will cost around $700 to complete the whole thing. Funding this project and saving for my vacation this year will meaning pinching pennies and scouring the basement couch, but it'll be fun!