Unappreciation

Unappreciation: un·ap·pre·ci·a·tion, noun, \ˌən-ə-ˌprē-shē-ˈā-shən\ 
1. failure to appreciate something
2. ungratefully: in an ungrateful manner



Many, many times I have walked into a museum and considered this sculpture or that painting beautiful. I can also appreciate the beauty I find in Jake Gyllenhaal's face and body and thus patronize his movies more often than say, Clint Eastwood. Perhaps the reader has had a similar experience of finding value in some trait or characteristic of a person or object.


Now, I have found it difficult to find value in myself as easily as I find it in others. If we can't appreciate ourselves, how can we ever appreciate someone else or expect someone else to appreciate us as individuals? We all have our individual strengths and weaknesses, beauty and ugliness. 


If I find my especially good characteristics and emphasize them, then perhaps someone else will notice, enjoy and appreciate them as well.

Honesty

There comes a point in a young person's life where he must accept everything that happened to him. I've reached that point. It's time I understand the experiences I've had and decide what I'm going to take forward with me, at least in the immediate future. Soon, this won't just be in a physical possessions and memory evidence sense.

Those things are rather fleeting, but the things that stay with us, at least stay with me, are the decisions I've made, the things I've done to the people around me and the experiences I chose or fell into in the course of events that compose my life.

It's easy to put something, some memory, some idea in the back of my mind and hope it stays there. Eventually, that pile of crap I stored in the far corner of the attic need to be sifted through. When I open that dusty box, the contents are just shadows of the original. It takes time to digest and understand what it is I'm holding in my hand: "is it a shirt? or a banner? Oh, wait, what did I use this for again?" It's all very familiar but ephemeral, dream-like, intangible.

Recently, I opened one of those boxes dirty and taped up boxes. It didn't make sense to me what I was looking at. Literally, I saw a dark cloud that was threatening to rain inside the box. Slowly, I pulled apart the layers and could see the mangled truth.

It feels good to put that irritant into a box, push it to the back of the pile and face the other side of the room. But eventually, it needs to be opened. There's no other option. The longer we wait, the more we put off rediscovering the contents, the bigger the box gets, the more mold it builds, the more brutal and dangerous the storm becomes. Have that storm knock down bushes, not telephone poles.

A Series of Choices

I am almost certain that the following revelation has been discovered and understood time and time again but I will say it anyway. Everything in existence is a series of yes or no questions.

First, the question of existence, does X exist, or not? Second, depending on the nature of the item in question, could be along the lines of does it have matter or do I, as a human, have the ability to recognize it? Contemplate this a while.

Once you get passed the existentialism, you get to questions more related to ability and function. For example, can a human eat a chicken? Can I walk 500 miles?

Once what can and cannot be done has been determined and completely explored, the questions become a matter of choosing to commit an action or not. Every single particle in the universe can participate and be examined using these yes/no questions until the question of choices arise. At that point, in my opinion, only animate beings can participate and at varying degrees depending on various elements such as instincts. But humans, when faced with a problem or dilemma often throw in questions of morality or righteousness before inquiring about willingness.

Either way, almost anything can be “figured out” with yes/no questions. But when grappling with those difficult decisions, a choice is always made, yes, or no. As humans, I think we all try to consistently pick the best one, even if it seems like a bad one.